dad may have been right

...is this thing still on?

2007-01-29T16:42:00.000-05:00

Testes? One. Two. Three?!?
Testes.

I just had to migrate this over to a new area and all sorts of weird fun. Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of google! The shadow nose!

Hijack flavors that are flippin' like birds.

2006-09-03T21:04:00.000-04:00

A close friend of mine linked me this earlier in the week, and I have been unable to get it out of my head. Therefore, I share it with you all, if there is anyone who actually readys this with any regularity anymore due to my erratic posting. In case you were wondering, the rap song translated is "One More Chance" by Biggie Smalls, off his album, Ready to Die.

Lyrics:

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys

Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money

Those the ones I like ‘cause they don’t get nathan’

But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation

Garbage, I turn like doorknobs

Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever

However, I stay coochied down to the socks

Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.

Lyrics:

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi

Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee

As I lay down laws like I lay carpet

Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

TRANSLATION:

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.

Lyrics:

Don’t see my ones, don’t see my guns - get it

Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it

In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia

I don’t know what the hell’s stoppin’ ya

I’m clockin’ ya - Versace shades watchin’ ya

Once ya grin, I’m in game, begin

TRANSLATION:

Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I’m having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.

Lyrics:

First I talk about how I dress and this

And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses

The sex is just immaculate from the back I get

Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the

Climax that your man can’t make

Call and tell him you’ll be home real late

Let’s sing the break

TRANSLATION:

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn’t be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won’t be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.

Lyrics:

She’s sick of that song on how it’s so long

Thought he worked his until I handled my biz

There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans

Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan

Schemin’ - don’t bring your girl ‘round me

True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

TRANSLATION:

Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.

Lyrics:

You - ringin’ bells with bags from Chanel

Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel

Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell

She beeped me, meet me at twelve

TRANSLATION:

Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.

Lyrics:

Where you at? Flippin’ jobs, playin’ car notes?

While I’m swimmin’ in ya women like the breast stroke

Right stroke, left stroke what’s the best stroke

Death stroke - tongue all down her throat

Nuthin’ left to do but send her home to you

I’m through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

TRANSLATION:

You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a need for her presence.

Lyrics:

So, what’s it gonna be? Him or me?

We can cruise the world with pearls

Gator boots for girls

The envy of all women, crushed linen

Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in ‘em

The finest women I love with a passion

Ya man’s a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin’

TRANSLATION:

The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.

Lyrics:

High fashion - flyin’ into all states.

Sexin’ me while your man masturbates.

Isn’t this great? Your flight leaves at eight.

Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.

Lyrically I’m supposed to represent.

I’m not only the client, I’m the player president

TRANSLATION:

You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I’ll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o’clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o’clock. I’ll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.

In love with a Strict Machine.

2006-08-13T16:20:00.000-04:00

Firstly, I was mildly alarmed, then strangely titillated to find that my mother has taken to listening to the Ditty Bops. It strikes me as very amusing, and she has caught the bug fairly readily. I may introduce to her other like minded artists and see how it goes.

I also found that the mainstream papers down here covered the release of a new Mountain Goats CD, which was a pleasant surprise whilst flipping through them at the beach yesterday. In between bouts of slathering sunscreen on my poor, pasty frame and averting my eyes from the plethora of banana-hammock girded Germans who were at field 5 of Jones beach, I read a very passable article attempting to explain the music. It was as though there was a bizzare Teutonic invasion, all harsh accent and waxed, barely cald blondes jumping around and frolicing as I scowled into my paper, and attempted to build a slight tan, so I might look healthy.

This morning, I woke at seven and pulled up two stumps in the backyard. It needed to be done, in a big way, and then I mowed the lawn and took care of pool related issues. When done, I came in and saw for the second time on TV Alison Goldfrapp hawking a new phone for Verizon. It was odd to hear the music in only a chunk, but I am guessing that they are well on their way to more populatiry and so on and so forth. Yay for that, because of the quality and enjoyment that is provided by the tunes which the group collectively issue.

Thats about it for now.

summer time...and the livin's easy...

2006-08-06T22:47:00.001-04:00

Not exactly.

I've an interminable headache from the humidity, to say nothing of the horrible things occuring with my poor booty, and my undergarmets sudden compulsion to be intimately acquainted with it.

But I digress. I was struck by the oddity of the pool this afternoon. A mass of water so chemically treated that I fear to actually submerge myself in it, thereby denying it the realiztion of its platonic form, and thusy negating its meaning and existance in my frame of refrence.

That was a joke, see.

Anyway, after this weeks past heat wave, I was amazed to find the temperature in the pool was about 92 degrees. This meant jumping in was a curious exercise, where one did not feel refreshed so much as wet, and still somewhat warm. Unacceptable.

So I did what any sane and reasonable fellow would do. Purchased approximately 20 pounds of ice and dumped it in the pool.

It worked.

American ingenuity, biatch!

keep cool in the heartland, babe.

Creeeeeeak.....

2006-08-03T20:11:00.000-04:00

Slowly the knob turned. And the door opened...

Turn this knob, bitches.

So, if there is anyone that gives a rip who did not know already, I am back down in NYC. There's your update on my location, bitches. And if you didn't care...why would you be here? Random blog jumping? Shit, get a life. It's beautiful out.

You'd best enjoy life before the rapture comes and we're all boned, anyway.

I mean, unless you are one of the lucky hundred thousand or so who ascends to a cloudy, wonderful place, where you meet everyone you ever liked, and there are gumdrop pillows and candy-floss pillows.

pfft. Fuck THAT.

When the end comes, I'd far rather be smack dab in the middle of it, bat in one hand and a bigass bottle of gin in other. If Death or the Antichrist want to take a crack at me, they better be packing, and ready for the fact that I'm gonna take at least a nipple as a trophy before I drop.

My convictions are that strong, motherfuckers.

And if I am wrong? What if an all merciful god that I never really believed in me picks me up, puts me in the palm of his hand and tells me I'm forgiven? I'll unzip right there, piss in his palm, spit and demand to know his excuse. For all the shit. Then I'll jump the hell off and come rarin' back down.

Yours with a great and furious anger.

After A Long Break

2006-05-23T10:33:00.001-04:00

And an installation as a godparent, which was minorly surreal, I am going to actually remember to post about the bvarious bugs in my arse again. But first, a humor interlude. I give you Tatsuya Ishida's brilliant strip, SinFest

This one was just so cute...

Cat furniture.

2006-05-09T08:56:00.000-04:00

Cat furniture?!?

Yes. Bloody cat furniture. Upon seeing that addition of a 'Cat Condo', which is essentially a large, multi-tiered construct made of carpeted wood and sissal rope for scratching might encourage my little onomonopaeic bundle of joy to stop expressing his individuality on the chair, by medium of claw marks, the procurement phase was immediately entered. However, shockingly, the average price for a small, rather sad looking one is about 80 dollars.

So, I am building one. The pieces are all together, and I am putting the final screws into it in an hour or so. It stands about six feet tall, and weighs...well, lets just say I am fairly certain it could take a direct blast from a smal but robust thermonuclear device and be just fine.

Pictures to follow.

End of line

2006-04-28T11:31:00.000-04:00

lifted from outgrabes.

Which File Extension are You?

Which OS are You?

it only took one brick to make that window drop...

2006-04-27T08:56:00.000-04:00

My cat last night vanished.

This is no biggie, especially at night, as sleep becomes far easier without a feline expressing its affection via wet nose rubs and strategic face shedding. And yes, I know how wonderful my life is that that is my girpe, and not something like scabies.

He did not turn up until this morning, when I noticed he seemed somewhat down.

Then I noticed that the top cupboard I keep the catnip in was opened. And the 'nip was gone.

Daddy's little boy went on a bender.

I'm so proud...

wow.

2006-04-26T08:03:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time! I have plenty to say, and still am enjoying the heady feel of residual headaches involving acquisition of property when other human beings are involved. Apparently, I can be a real dick.

Shocking. So after a break to NYC from my Buffalo existance, I have returned to the Queen City just in time for a little snow. Which is odd, as it was about 80 degrees on at least 2 days last week just a few hours south of here. The weather, she is a bitch. anyway, more to come.

Well, duh.

2006-04-09T12:48:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentleman, presented for your consideration. A 300 year old tome. Found abandoned after a robbery in Leeds, you may notice something add about the cover, and how it is bound. A very odd leather has been used. Human skin.

Woot.

Apparently, the Necronomicon, The Book of Lost Names, penned by the mad Arab, Abdul-Al-Hazrad and, originally entitled Al-Azif has been found, and appeared to ring in the end of the World, and return of the Elder Gods and so on and so forth. The stars have aligned, and the end is nigh, Ia Ia, Cthuluhu.

Also in the news, the Bush administration is discussing using nuclear bunker busters to eliminate Irans atomic facilities.

The two stories are unrelated. Right?

In our last adventure...

2006-03-30T16:34:00.000-05:00

I was pandering on about the second law of thermodynamics, and how human beings seem to dance, everso breifly, in an opposing tune to it, and then posing the query that if our ability to codify our thoughts via pen and paint and ink and the digital medium violates the conservation of energy.

I wish to continue in this vein for a moment or two. If we choose to say that the formation of ideas, which, after all, are simply electrical impulses across denrites and axoms and so forth, are not actually whole cloth creation of something completely new, that is to say, we accept non sub solum es novum, then we are beginning to tread, at least philiosopically on some very Pieper grounds. That is to say we are accepting that these ideas and thoughts have all been had before, and that perchance all we are doing is not actually having them, but somehow, tapping into a universal fount, and taking a ladleful of ideas and concepts out to use for our own purposes.

This is, of course, a rather humbling idea, and keeping with science on the whole and it's conception that we are very small, the universe is very large, and probability allows for this. We know that an infinite set of monkeys at an infinite set of typewriters will produce all the great works ever to be written, but do we actually accept what the consequences of this are? It is, after all, a bit of a shattering conception.

We cannot create ideas? Only tap into something that has already been created somewhere, thereby conserving energy and ensuring that omega remails at or close to one? Then where do these ideas reside? A pool somewhere? Part of a universal pulse of energy? God? It's very scary ground, and adds to it the possibility that, if you carry it far enough, that since we cannot create a new thought or idea, and are only accessing them, that perhaps our thoughs are simply our own way of justifying actions already predetermined. Aw snap. I went there.

The alternative, that we can spin new energy, and concepts and thoughts out of the void is also very very nice, inasmuch as it frees us from one disturbing line of thinking. Of course, it then raises the question of what exactly allows us to this while we are alive, what would let us create this energy, hold it in place, and codify it? The soul? And, if that is the case, if this energy and matter that are ideas can be codified, what happens to the part of us that can create it when we die? Does it boil away, left with no meat to fuel its engines, or does it dissape and rejoin that master fount I was mentioning earlier?

These are the reasons I don't sleep sometimes, and occasionally stare off into space.

Musings.

2006-03-23T15:33:00.000-05:00

The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that "in all energy exchanges, if no energy enters or leaves the system, the potential energy of the state will always be less than that of the initial state." This is also commonly referred to as entropy. A watchspring-driven watch will run until the potential energy in the spring is converted, and not again until energy is reapplied to the spring to rewind it. A car that has run out of gas will not run again until you walk 10 miles to a gas station and refuel the car. Once the potential energy locked in carbohydrates is converted into kinetic energy (energy in use or motion), the organism will get no more until energy is input again. In the process of energy transfer, some energy will dissipate as heat. Entropy is a measure of disorder: cells are NOT disordered and so have low entropy. The flow of energy maintains order and life. Entropy wins when organisms cease to take in energy and die.

This is a nice, brief explination of the 2nd law of thermodynamics I found online.

I bring it up becuase I wonder exactly how it applies when looked at through the lens of vacuum-genesis creation. That particular theory of the creation of the universe states that the universe is, at the moment of the Planck epoch, a spontaneous quantum particle of incredible density. That is to say, the universe at the moment of it's expansions start was essentially a highly ordered, supersymmetrical particle that sprang into existance, as many particles do, out of a vacuum, due to quantum probability (if this seems unlikely, bear in mind that it is that very quantum effect that allows the sun to bypass Coulombs Law and permit hydrogen fusion to occur and actually burn its fuel at a rate that keeps it from imploding) So, we have the universe as a spontaneous vacuum flucuation, springing from nothing to existance(This is also a theory, but one I am fond of) and then, that protoparticle bursts apart ABT and thermodynamics and everything else takes hold.

Hooray for setting the stage.

Now, we know that entropy will prevail, eventually, despite anyones best efforts. So the energy of the universe can never go up, only down. Which means we are in a winding down clock. Or at least, really in a world of hurt. Cosmologically speaking.

Lets go to Earth now. Here we are, as human beings, having babies. We convert food into poop, and occaionally, should we be knocked up, into other humans. Food into poop, I understand thermodynamically, it is a clear application, and even covered in the bloody definition I posted. My issue comes with human reproduction. And it isn't exactly with reproduction, but the result of reproduction.

Once a human being is gestating, it is in the process of being created. Energy from the mother is siphoned off, and instead of being utilized immedately and excreted, is stored and applied towards creating order, not disorder, and constructing, painstakingly, a new creature, a new function in the great balancing equation of the universe.

Of course, after birth, and after a certain point, the human body begins to break down again, and eventually gives over to entopy, so of course, it is never truly overcome. Yet for a period of time, it appears that we violate entropy, creating a new life out of energy taken in, and at the moment of birth, all the arguing semantics cannot deny the spark of life has been fired, and for a brief moment, a new energy, regardless of violating the second law, has been wrought, that is to say, a new conciousness.

The question that I wrestle with is this: do we, and by extension, any sentient life, violate thermodynamics, by virtue of our mind, thoughts and conciousness? We do not with our bodies, as any visit to a nursing home can show. Are we though, with our minds? And, more disturbingly, are we with our soul? Or is our ability to seemingly violate this (by my perception) a function of the mind/soul, and a development of the universe itself, a form of Macro-evolution?

Are ideas and thoughts and conceptions created by humans, or any other sentient life new energy and form given to a swirl of entopic matter that we have the ability to process, or, as a held and established Law that governs the universe states, are we only somehow accessing something that is already there, since things cannot simply arise new, whole cloth in a universe that is winding down?

Thats what I am working on now.

De asini umbra disceptare

2006-03-21T14:57:00.001-05:00

I arrived last night around 12 in the morning. All in all, it was indeed a hard time. Between planning a mass, writing a eulogy, and doing many other things, I essentially got to run a 3 day wake, and then a funeral. It was a very nice affair.

The afters were plenty stressful, and will negotiation continues. I may have to go back to help iron things out, since I am the only one on my side of the family who gets along with my step-grandmother, So much so that she gave me, and refused to give my uncle, both my grandfathers wedding band, which he wed my grandmother with, and the flag it was his right to be buried with. I of course gave them to him as soon as I acquired possession.

I also recieved 3 job offers while down there, 2 of those in writing, which is very very frustrating. One is on staff at my cousins offices in Albany, essentially doing spin-work and being a liason while she is in NYC, and the other is a position at the old Bank I was with, except this time as an actual investment rep, not a teller. The one that wasn't in writing, oddly enough, came in the form of a phonecall from John Golden, who owns the Gleason's chain of Funeral homes, who asked me to consider coming to work with him about 3 days after the wake. It is rather reaffirming to discover it may not be me, but actually my location, that sucks, vis-a-vis finding a decent job. A shocker, to be sure. After we pick our collective jaws up, lets all move on.

All in all, my 2 trips down to New York gave me some interesting and new perspectives. Of course, standing next to a dead man for 4 days, and then watching as everyone begins to act in ways unbecoming will do that. I am sad to say that my sense of humor and patience have taken a hit, only time will tell if that is permanent or not.

So I have yet another thing to thank my grandfather for. And the list is already long.

wierd.

2006-03-07T11:44:00.000-05:00

i just had to delete a post that was totally messing with my format. No idea why.

whee.

2006-03-07T11:02:00.000-05:00

I've been in New York, for good old family reasons. Which I reaaly do not mind, as I would rather be inconvenienced than feel badly if I did not get to see someone before they died. And as an added bonus, my parents paid for it. So yippee.

In the news, South Dakota has banned abortion, even in cases of rape or incest, except for in cases of extreme danger to the woman, in which case the law requires the Doctor to try every possible option that preserves the life of the child too. Oh, and they say that life begins at conception. Every sperm is sacred and so on. As is common knowledge for those who follow, the timing of this was impeccable, waiting until the President had appointed Uncle Sam(who said in a recent letter to tht=e Christian Coalition that he would remember every day and case to 'honor the trust that was put in me' by them. Gee. I really wonder what that means) and then institute legislation that directly contradicts Roe V. Wade. My prediction? 2007, before March Roe V. Wade bites it. That's if Planned Parenthood and NARAL do not push to get it up there faster. Super.

Mississippi is posed to do the same.

The Patriot Act was renewed.

There was a bunch of other things that happened too.

And suchlike.

noctural interlude.

2006-02-26T22:17:00.000-05:00

The glass of wine is out of place on a space otherwise dedicayed to technology, standing with an awkward dignity among discarded discs, Operating Systems, the odd heat sink or two, and old SIMMS chips.

Staring at it, mesmerized by the pattern the bassline of the music playing in the background etches on the meniscus, I find myself drifting, as I often do, caught up in the moment. Intently staring, momentarily misplacing my body, the room around me, light fades to a grey fog around the periphary of the glass, and those wonderful, pulsing ripples.

A sudden noise to my left destroys the potential building, and the moment shatters like spun glass. Turning in a momentary rage, the same feeling of anger and frustration every time, I snap back into my body, becoming aware of the area again.

I chuckle, realizing it was the cat. It could have been anything, really. Sometimes, I simply pay to much attention to what is happening in my mind that what is happening around.

Frankly, I think it is wonderful.

dot.

2006-02-21T14:25:00.000-05:00

For all my posturing about being a member of the cogniscenti, today I just watched Resident Evil:Apocalypse for what was the 18th time since it came out. And no, I do not own the DVD. I am simply addicted to its winning combination of flesh starved zombies, large weapons, overwhelming odds, and of course, a superpowered Milla Jovovich. She can stay. Forever.

totalitarianism has never been so goddamned cute.

2006-02-18T11:08:00.000-05:00

Now seriously folks, would you really mind your freedom being limited by this cute couple? JingJing(right) and ChaCha(left, aDUH) are the Communist Partys weapon agansit online subversives. They are active and activated on any webpage you visit in the wacky People's Republic as a popup block that follows you, no matter how far down you scroll. Just by clicking on them you may access whatever information you want about what is Forbidden while surfing in the People's Republic and also, file a report to the nearest police station in order to report a site for violation.
This is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
Additionally, Ms. Chen, the woman who developed and rolled out this program suggested the US try this, since Google refused to release records to them, and that fun loving People's Republic had no such trouble. C'mon Google! Lookit the money! Sit! Beg! Limit freedom.

Fucking spineless cowards.

i got nothing.

2006-02-17T15:58:00.000-05:00

From the AP:

Shooting Victim Apologizes to Vice President

The man shot by Vice President Dick Cheney today apologized for what Cheney and his family have had to endure since the weekend hunting accident in Texas. Harry Whittington, 78, said: "Whatever activities we pursue and regardless of how experienced, careful and dedicated we are, accidents do and will happen." Whittington, speaking to reporters outside the hospital where he was treated, added: "My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this week."

I've got nothing. Sorry you shot me. It must have been rough.

can't sleep.

2006-02-17T15:32:00.000-05:00

I cannot sleep. It's about day 2 of it. Bugger. I was looking at upcoming DVD releases, and this comic struck me as appropriate. I think we all feel this way, sometimes. Put all them shits in there, indeed.

That which killed the cat...

2006-02-15T17:06:00.000-05:00

I'm puzzled. And extremely curious. All politics aside, and I mean all, I am completely baffled by a headline I read earlier today. It was "Cheney Accepts Responsibility For Shooting Accident".

Now, curiosity comes in when I wonder how exactly he could AVOID taking responsibility. Let me clear something up, by the way, right off the bat. I am not gunning after Cheney here, and even if I was, we all know he is some sort of secret robot/ninja/zombie, so I could never get him anyway. I simply find myself wondering how one could shift responsibility for bucking a seventy-eight year old in the chest with birdshot to someone other than the one who pulled the trigger.

Before anyone decided to bombard me with "What if it was the other guys fault, blah blah blah?" I'd like to counter with this: Hush. It wasn't.

And apart from that, my real boggle is that this is a HEADLINE. He 'decides' to accept responsibility, and this is NEWS.

HE SHOT A MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU DON'T DECIDE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY!!! IT'S ALREADY THERE!!! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR CAUSING THE GUN TO FIRE!!!

..shit...you know what? forget it. personal responibility must be dead, if someone deciding to take it is headline worthy news.

2006-02-15T01:05:00.000-05:00

This comic explains my life, almost in its totality. Except replace the monkey with Zot.

I Want You!

2006-02-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

TO BE MY VALENTINE!!!

Frightening honest politicians...

2006-02-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

Story courtesy of the AP:

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed Whittington with shotgun pellets on Saturday at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Armstrong said Cheney turned to shoot a bird and accidentally hit Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial Hospital by ambulance.

Cheney's spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, said the vice president was with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin, Texas, and his wife at the hospital on Sunday afternoon.

I know I see this as a lot more, well, for lack of a better term, awesome, than it probably was when it went down. I imagine an enraged zombie-Cheney, blasting his 'friend' with double-aught buckshot, and then snarling, "You got in the way of the bird, ASSHOLE" with white spittle flying from his mouth as he begins to beat at a 78 year old with the stock of the shotgun. It would be the most honest of expression of the contempt for human life he feels that Cheney would ever be seen to perform.

Hm.

2006-02-12T10:40:00.000-05:00

Well, it certainly has been a little while, but whatever can we do?

Not too fucking much, it turns out.

The world continues on a daily basis to prove that everything truly does tend towards entropy, with WWIV being begun by a cartoon and Isreal and the United States drawing straws to see who will launch the first volley into Iran.

Of course, someone really ought to tell Mr. Ahmadinejad that the days of bookending political diatribes with 'Carthago delenda est' finished after the Punic Wars, and also, Iran isn't Rome, and if Carthage had the amount of nukes Isreal did, I'll bet that in addition to being able to check out some books written practically at the dawn of time from the Alexandria branch library we would all be speaking Phonecian.

But I digress.

I am also moderately thrilled with the Olympics. By which I mean I have viewed approximately 15 minutes of it total. While drunk. In a bar. With techno music thumping.

Personally, I found that the grooves booming out kinda made Ski Jumping look a lot cooler than it actually is.

this just in.

2006-01-30T11:05:00.000-05:00

So, many of you know I have 2 brothers, and 2 sisters, and of them, my 22 year old sister and I, Kathleen, do not really get along.

This is nt particularly important to this post.

What is germaine, however, is that she has a wonderful boyfriend of 3 yeards, Lt. Brian Murtagh of the 82nd, who found out he is being shipped over to Iraq in three months at the latest. I feel rather badly about this.

I don't know how he feels. But I somehow doubt, from speaking to him less than a month ago it is great. I do rather hope he does well, and comes back out in short order, healthy and with all limbs.

Or that we are out before he is in...something like that.

A, this one is for you...

2006-01-26T11:08:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of the associated press

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush defended anew his program of warrantless surveillance Thursday, saying "there's no doubt in my mind it is legal." He suggested that he might resist congressional efforts to change it.

Hell yeah dog. Hell yeah. Fuck your privacy. We're talking greater good, bitches.

Oh my lord...

2006-01-26T11:04:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentleman...Hamas has taken control of the Palestinian government is a free and democratic election.

I suggest we all prepare ourselves for some serious thermonuclear fun...

Cause shit is about to get ill.

And now, my take.

2006-01-24T00:04:00.000-05:00

I'll sorta go point by point here. And I am playing Devils advocate here for each of you. Which will bring me to my conclusion in a bit...

Goose, I agree, it is idiotic to blame the hurricane on an individual or individuals. But Rick Santorum (R-PA) did that, blaming the victims, and going so far as to suggest litigation against them. So did Pat Robertson. He actually sorta blamed Ellen DeGeneres. "This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards. Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres' hometown? ... God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda. But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys." So, while I agree it is stupid to play the blame game, both sides do it so well. Partisinism is such that the actual issues are practically ignored, and people spin spin spin to whatever ends they need. Be it attempting to crucify the President, or demonizing a talk show host. It's part of what makes America so fucking neat to watch these things in.

Dave: I also like when ID gets kicked in the teeth. I do have a massive problem with Darwinists though. Many times, I feel they mix up Creation Science, which is total bullshit, with Intelligent Design, which, although I personally disagree with for several reasons not open for debate right now, unless folks are REALLY interested, is much less difficult to argue. The beef with ID folks at the molecular level. See http://www.ornery.org/essays/warwatch/2006-01-08-1.html for an interesting artilce supporting neither, but taking a slightly ID slant. I just feel that occasionally Darwinists, who I agree with, take a too zealous stance, when a cooly scientific one would do, and they become like many of their manic detractors. Again, so many times, the people I agree with are as bad, if not worse reactionaries than those they argue against.

Alex, this is one it is hard for me to find another side of. Even at my most conservative, I cannot find it in me to forgive wiretapping without court orders. I mean yes, lives could possibly be saved. But court orders don't take that much time. At all. Nor would getting one actually warn the suspect, unless he had a reliable inside man in the everfucking Justic department. And folks, if we are that deeply infiltrated, they deserve to win, ok? Cause we aren't up their ass that deep. Not by a long shot. But still, if one were to be massively convinced that the only way to be safe was to no longer be free, I suppose one could be convinced it was the thing to do.

My main issue in the past year is the disappearance of the moderate. The disappearance of the middle ground. The assertion that there is only right and only wrong, whichever side you sit upon. I am saddened by the lack of understanding and willingness to speak to people of differing opinions, just instead, the desire to subjugate them to whatever your thoughts may be. I am not levelling this at anyone I know. It is a national malady, a world malady. everyone has it. It is moral certainty. And it is deadly, for everything it touches, in my opinion, because certainty brings stasis, and stagnation of thought. And a wise old Polack once said stagnation is death. What kills me about 2005 was the death of grey.

a quick note before I go pound pavement.

2006-01-23T11:53:00.000-05:00

I will be posting replies to the hooter honking question of my last post later.

But you all should check out this link:

http://www.keloland.com/NewsDetail2817.cfm?Id=0,45410

Seems Like South Dakota is rapidly overtaking Kansas in terms of backwards thinking. It worries me, though I sincerely doubt it will pass.

duh....

2006-01-22T20:56:00.000-05:00

I gone done updated to the wrong site a few times. That makes me a little silly.

But not quite as silly as some other people I have been reading about nowadays.

I actually have a question for people, since the new year has started. I know mostly the folks who read this little blog, and I know some of your politics. But what I would really like to know a little more. I have a wonderful plan to do so, as well. Of course, perhaps no one will respons, but maybe they will.

Many things have happened in the last year politically, and in general. I would like to know the thing that troubled or elated you the most, be it liberal or conservative, or anything inbetween. I will not personally become annoyed at any opinion expressed. My politics are varied, anyways. So fire away, vent about pinko commies, or idiotic fundies. Whatever you would like. Cleanse yourself. Vent your spleen. Anyone! Please! Feel free. Then, in a day or so, Ill share mine.

for the record...

2006-01-10T13:31:00.000-05:00

I just made a bitching irish soda bread.

Anchorman.

2006-01-10T11:27:00.000-05:00

I remain perplexed as to how this movie was considered funny.

I went to previews of it, and walked out. Last night, on a lark, ordered it from On Demand. While there were indeed funny parts, that caused me to laugh, out loud even, there were more that were just plain shitty.

Before the usual bevy of "you hate everything, you elitest jackass" are dropped on me, remember; I said there were many funny moments, and also, I enjoyed Wedding Crashers, Old School, and several other movies in the new league of R rated comedies. There is something about Anchorman though that simply rubs me the wrong way.

Also, the men who work in the store across the street seem to have stopped using deoderant. I think this is a terrible, terrible development, but am unsure how to bring it up, or remedy it, or if I should just simply accept that they are philisophically opposed to not smelling like an Assbomb was detonated over them.

Zarf.

back in buffalo

2006-01-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

Well, I am back in good old Buffalo. Which is not all that bad, and the weather is still fairly nice, to boot.

I'm appearing a show, and no, I am not asking anyone to go see it. It's not that I don't think it will be good, as it appears to be quite funny, it's that, well, why put someone in the position of not going if they are busy. I've never really cared, and frankly, still don't.

That having been said, I am playing a gay lawyer, who tries to kill Beth Gerardi, and also calls her several horrible names.

So, thats an up to today update, and also about all I have to say for now.

Awesome...AWESOME!!!

2006-01-05T18:04:00.000-05:00

Pat Robertson just gave me an awesome Funda-mental-ist Christian boner. You see, Ariel Sharons stroke was punishment from God. Not a result of sucking down 47 Kosher Prime Rib meals a night(Nummy-Nummy) Nope. God.

He also said it was a punishment for dividing Gods land, even though the Bible says not to, and predicted "Woe" unto( he actually said UNTO!!! Fucking A right he did! ) any Isreali Prime Minister who did likewise.

Additionally, he claims it was Gods way of saying "This land belongs to me. You'd better leave it alone."

He then went on to change all the "Duck Season" signs to "Rabbit Season" signs, then claim all non-Christians were "Desthpic-able"

Woo-hoo Woo-hoo!

did you hear the one about....

2006-01-02T12:44:00.000-05:00

The wacky Iranian who said that the Holocaust was actually still going on, and that Isreal was part of it, since everyone wanted to kill their Jews by sending them there, and allowing Palestinians, and other Middle Eastern folks finish the job? Yeah, He's the secular head of thier country! Fret not though, my friends, he has the total support of the Supreme Ayatolla. Just, you know, so all bases are covered. Wooha, they got you all in check! I mean, seriously folks...hot shit. We're getting close to awesome! I cannot wait to see what happens next!

champing at the bit.

rock and roll, remember?

2005-12-31T11:14:00.000-05:00

Well, it's another new years eve morning. Frankly, I love these the most. especially when i am in new york. It's nice and hectic, setting up for a party I wont attend. Alas.

Also, much happy berfday is wished to a totally rad person, the one, the only Gab!

Also, my head hurts. But that has nothing to do with the berfday. I promise to retrn to normal, hard hitting, irritating and vicious venting of spleen in less than 3 days.

guilty pleasure...

2005-12-29T18:48:00.000-05:00

Anniemal is the name of this album, consisting of music made for the peoples who crave the bubbly sort of technoclubbypop which ms. Annie produces. Its a bit of a Goldfrapp light. I likes it. you don't have to.

Zart.

here and gone and here and gone again.

2005-12-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

Well, Christmas has come and gone again. Like it usually does. I got shirts. and a book or two. Also a subscription to GameInfo, which is actually rather excellent. Additionally, I got a stunt kite. I am exceptionally fond of stunt kites, and rather good at flying them. This one has a jolly Roger flag on it, which fills me with glee. My mother remembered that, and also that my old stunt kite broke. I may have gotten a little misty about that. Or it may have been that I was awake far to early, and annoyed about that. Who should know?

Ho ho holy shit....

2005-12-21T20:19:00.000-05:00

Seriously...Is anyone else completely terrified? Santa Pope? Looks a little more like Satan Pope. I don't know if i can handle this. In other news, posts will start again, now that I am slightly more at ease, and have wrestled this computer back into shape. Merry Christmas, motherfuckers!

...wow...

2005-12-14T11:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, in all honesty, you gotta give it up for hardcore extremist right wing Islamics. In the face of the rest of the entire world, they will still go for "Isreal is a tumor which must be removed" and "They have fabricated this legend under the name, "Massacre of the Jews", and they hold it higher than God himself, religion itself, and the prophets themselves".

Holy shit guys, do you remember the Six Days War? Or what happened to the Egyptian Airforce? Holy leaping Moses. Or are you just seeing if you can agitate enough to get them to strike first, and then see if anyone will jump in to help you? I really want to know.

Hey, lets face it, it is kinda exciting. the Jewish nation fights like a bunch of starving, cracked up hobos in front of Big Neds Rib and Smack-porium, when there is only room for two more inside. Except they have better weapons.

So it may get exciting in the mideast soon, huh? Whoopee!!

2005-12-13T16:04:00.000-05:00

Ive been thinking about togas.

In general, the clothing people used to wear in the past, up till modern ages. People have worn some funny things, and I wonder what the future will bring.

Will we devolve back in to sweet, drapey radness, or continue into some strange Cenobite strappy and leather buttoned madness. Who knows!

But I can almost say for certain that we will look at what is worn now as totally retarded.

Except, of course, the three piece pin-striped suit.

That shit is classic, yo.

A wonderful bit of latin.

2005-12-13T01:16:00.000-05:00

this one is for both alex and jess...

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem

roughly translated: "In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags."

mystery man

2005-12-12T15:41:00.000-05:00

I shovelled twice in the last weekend. I am not particularly fond of shovelling, although that is not the most shocking statement that any individual could make. It is almost in the same family of comments as "I breathe air."

My point is, everyone dislikes shovelling to a degree or another. Unless you like it, in which case, fuck me, fuck my opinion, and you rock on with your bad self. So, even risking that folks will get mad at me for it, if they are fond of the task and I am denying them a basic pleasure of winter, I will, when struck by the mood, shovel my neighbors walk, and the nice old lady next doors walk as well, and then apply rock salt. No real reason, it isn't that I am particularly nice, or altruistic, just if I am doing it, or on a roll, why bother stopping.

Of course, eventually I do stop, and I wonder, do people see this and wonder what someone must have done to piss me off that I would shovel half a block or so and then abruptly halt at their driveway? It is the kind of thing I would wonder, if I say a merovingian like unbroken line of shoveled walks that neatly terminated at my drive.

The other issue, of course, is angry homeless men who charge for shovelling. For example, a wonderful chap who goes by the name of mojo. I wonder if seeing someone doing it for no real reason other than some manner of zen boredom chaps the ass of one who charges ten bucks a pop and uses it to feed or liquor themselves up. I walk back the the house and I wonder. Then I go down and put rock salt out, so no one trips and tries to make a stink, or bleed on my sidewalk. I stand there, task completed, and really ponder this for a few minutes. Have I denied someone something that should be thiers out of simple boredom, ennui or anomie?

Then I trundle in, and have some hot cocoa with a marshmallow plopped into it.

Fuck it.

I'm insane. And you are my insanity.

2005-12-11T00:27:00.000-05:00

Experimenting with new, unitalicized fonts. Sexy, yesno?

Not too much to write home about today. Saw Narnia, which was about what I expected. I found it enjoyable. Not a brick to the head, so that is a plus. In negatives, I hear Richard Pryor died. Which is not surprising, since when last I heard anything about him, it was that he clung to life with the tenacity of a cockaroach. A funny one, but still. Thats too bad. More, and something more entertaining, in the morning.

phobia

2005-12-08T22:43:00.000-05:00

My office, if you would call it that, is located in the loft of the apartment. I am sitting in it now, pecking away, trying desperately to avoid turning my head.

It isn't particularly late, all of the doors are locked, and the only thing acreep now is a slightly hyperactive cat, seemingly begging for a handy glass of water to be splashed on him. Yet still, Utopia plays, the space is lit by my old glass shaded accountants lamp, and I sit, not quite cowering, not quite brave, clad in moccasins, sweatpants, a white tshirt and a sweatervest, a modern host for an itinerant Raven.

The tapping is a century old house settling; the slight draft does not help matters, either. The specteres and paper skinned hands hovering inches from my shoulder, waiting only for me to notice them to become concrete, nothing but figments, my own worries, cares and troubles, swirling around, denying my best efforts, and chuckling, an emaciated rattle, dry and bloodless.

Sometimes there is a reason for worry, a cause for dread, and we know it, it serves a purpose. When that manner of dread comes it is alost comforting, as logic and rational thinking prevail, analyzing and picking, revealing underlying order and origination, and the secrets your mind wanted you to confront.

Othertimes, there is not, and the twinned human conceits of logic and ration seem paltry compared to those hulking, unseen and intentionally, damnably quiet visitors, staying safely out of eye and earshot, waiting for you to drop your guard. Those are the longest nights.

Nevermore.

And your problem with this lies where?

2005-12-08T15:25:00.000-05:00

We reviewed yesterday how Democracy and Eugenics were incompatible, as a true Democracy, or government of the people, and the idea of culling, sterilizing and what have you are somewhat incompatible. This is due to the simple fact that the people who are considered undesireables actually have a say in policy, to a degree, and thus, it is a damned difficult measure to get them to sign off on relocating themselves to those cramped showers with the blue discoloration marks on their walls(2 points for that reference)

There is another staunch enemy of....you know what??

Screw it. For right now. I don't have the mental cohesion at this moment.

Tomorrow or tonight we move onto another topic here on DMHBR, or not.

Anyone interested in helacyton gartleri? its an immortal species that is an actual offshoot of homo sapiens. The cells don't decay. Want to hear more?

Tying one on...

2005-12-07T11:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I got my kvetch on about Eugenics and its not often known tie to abortion. Whether or not it still exists is not something I was addressing, as there is actually a logical chain that I am engaging in here. Prepare yourself!

"The ideas of eugenics are based on the assumption that men are unequal, while democracy is based on the assumption that they are equal. It is therefore, politically very difficult to carry out eugenic ideas in a democratic community when those ideas take the form, not of suggesting that there is a minority of inferior people, such as imbeciles, but of admitting that there is a minority of superior people. The former is pleasing to the majority, the latter unpleasing. Measures embodying the former fact can therefore win the support of the majority, while measures embodying the latter cannot." - Bertrand Russel

Wow Mr. Russel, we knew you were a loveable philisiophical/mathematical gadfly, but what exactly are you saying? I mean, unless I am grossly mistaken, you are stating, in your own words now, "Democracy stands in the way (of eugenics) " Holy leaping shit!!! Bertram Russel, enemy of Democracy?!?

Well, not exactly. While he was indeed a large proponent of the control of society and eugenics on the whole, and also the author of some seriously rascist/sexist comments('women are, on the average, stupider than men' being my favorite) there is no empirical evidence that Bertral actively sought the fall of Democracy.

Which is probably a good thing. So, to conclude todays little argument a little early, since I apparently need to go get a haircut, we will reflect that one of the strangest minds on the side of Eugenics, and a Eugenics program has stated that Democracy is the enemy of thier program. We also have seen that seemingly innocuous organizations, that one would assume are for the good of the people who use them, were founded by people who were believers and supporters of this enemy of Democracy.

Where am I going with this?

You'll see. Questions? Fire away. As with yesterday, I've abbreviated arguments for the sake of brevity, you know, the soul of wit.

A brief reassessment....

2005-12-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

Now, this is more of an interesting general knowledge post, as opposed to anything else...but first and foremost I have to put out in the open that I personally am pro-choice, and I don't really care what the opinions of others are, since they are not going to convince me otherwise, and odds are, I am not going to convince them either. This isn't being close -minded, it is the result of having researched my position for many years.

With that out there, I trust some/most of you are familiar with Eugenics? In a horrifically oversimplified(anyone comments on it, you will get a post about the history and pertinant names and dates, and believe me, what Bertrand Russel had to say about it is enough to make anyone shift opinions on that wacky old coot) definition, Eugenics is the selective breeding and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, culling of undesireables from the Human gene pool. The entire basis of the idea rests on a false, that is to say, proven incorrect, theory of evolution by a gentleman named LaMark(his theory being called, you guessed it, LaMarkism) which states that habits or skills learned by a parent are passed directly on to their offspring. This is of course, pure bullshit on a purely genetic level.

So, Eugenics is concenered with creating a superior human specimen, an ubermensch, if you will. While it makes sense to cull, that is to say, kill the undesireables from the gene pool, there are generally some objections to it. Anyone remember the Holocaust? Same basic problem. Aliies firebomb Dresden, so on and so forth. Fear not though!! There is an insidious way around that, for Eugeneticists, which are still very much alive as a movement.

Sterilization, and abortion.

And the point? Margaret Sanger, fournder of Planned Parenthood was a believer and member of several Eugenics Societies, as was NARAL, founded by Lawrence Lader, an acive member of the Population Council.

Funny, huh?

If anyone finds this intesting, there is more I'll write about. If we'd prefer Face Down, Ass Up humor, I can do that too. This was just a bug up my ass after hearing some little idiot ranting on and spouting platitudes about something they really know fuckall about, when it gets down to the the core and start of the issues. It makes me sick.

Banned in the U.S.A.

2005-12-05T21:47:00.000-05:00

I can only assume that this is either the end of the opening number in 'SADDAM: The Courtroom Musical!!" Or that Mr Hussein and his brother-in-law are perfroming "Face Down Ass Up" as originated by 2 Live Crew, to the chagrin of the Court.

If you have Rhapsody, you must listen to that song, while looking at the picture. Trust me, it's worth it.

Check, check out, check check, check out.

2005-12-05T17:20:00.000-05:00

My stomach is bothering me again. Which is not altogether surprising, given the general state of my diet. I feel a quick consumption of the bromo fizz will remedy this otherwise intolerable situation, and render me a much more cheerful person. Or at least, less likely to verbally assault someone on the way to the store.

I am reflecting today upon the myriad wonders of final fantasy x, and how it can be holding my interest past several awful heartbreaks and setbacks. I also crave the knowledge of why Americans get the shitty end of the stick when games are translated over...bloody irritating.

now i gotta learn japanese.

arigato, bitches.

i certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes.

2005-12-05T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well, it appears that with only two little fixes left to make i am bringing this bitch up. So now we can all marvel at the wonders of that which bugs and intrigues me on a daily basis. Which, frankly, could be an interesting pattern of light on the wall, if the mood hits me.Exciting, huh?

Hopefully someone thinks so.

I was thinking of doing a "random number of things about Me", but I don't really care to. It's kinda dopey, i think. If someone if looking at this, odds are they know me. If not, you'd most likely get a sense posthaste.

I'm still unemployed, and waiting for anyone to call me back, while simultaneously sending out more resumes than I can count. I spend the rest of the time cleaning the house, or killing time. While not the Life of Riley, I suppose I make do.

More to come later on. By later on, I mean after I find my goddamn slippers. Stupid cat...

Formatting is fun

2005-11-15T15:36:00.000-05:00

I am currently attempting to finish twiddling the HTML on this site to make it a little prettier. It is not exactly vexing me, just sort of making me feel put upon, sad, and headachey. You know, the way you get when the phone rings, and you know you don't want to answer it, but you should? Like that. But with more typing, and less talking.

First Post. Yippy.

2005-11-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

This would be the inaugural post here on DMHBR. So there is not actual information contained herein. Shocker. No actual real information in a post, on a Blog? This scathing honesty is bound to rock the Blogosphere for seconds, perhaps even minutes to come. Anyway, more of course, to follow. I suppose.